Here are 15 tips for co-parenting with an abuser:
- Seek professional help: A therapist or counselor can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate co-parenting with an abuser. They can also help you develop coping strategies and boundary-setting skills.
- Stick to a routine: A consistent routine can provide stability for your child, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. Stick to a regular schedule for visitation and communication with your co-parent.
- Keep records: Document any incidents of abusive behavior, including threatening messages, phone calls, or emails. This can be helpful if you need to seek legal action in the future.
- Find a support system: Surround yourself with people who can offer emotional support and practical assistance, such as childcare or transportation.
- Focus on your child: When dealing with an abusive co-parent, it can be easy to get caught up in the drama and forget about the needs of your child. Keep your child’s best interests in mind and try to make decisions that are in their best interest, even if it means compromising with your abuser.
- Use a parenting plan: A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how you and your co-parent will share parenting responsibilities. A parenting plan can be helpful in situations where communication is difficult, and can help reduce conflicts.
- Set boundaries: It’s important to set boundaries with your co-parent, especially if they have a history of abusive behavior. Let them know what behavior is unacceptable, and what the consequences will be if they cross the line.
- Communicate in writing: Communicating with an abuser can be challenging, especially if they are skilled at manipulating conversations. Whenever possible, communicate in writing (email, text, or written letters) so there is a record of the conversation.
- Use a mediator: If communication with your co-parent is difficult, consider using a mediator to facilitate discussions about co-parenting.
- Keep your emotions in check: It’s natural to feel angry or frustrated when dealing with an abusive co-parent, but try to keep your emotions in check when communicating with them. Responding with anger or aggression can escalate the situation.
- Be consistent: Consistency in your behavior can help set a positive example for your child. Show up on time for visitations, follow through on commitments, and communicate clearly and respectfully.
- Avoid triangulation: Triangulation is when one parent tries to involve a third party (such as a grandparent or teacher) in co-parenting discussions. Avoid involving others in your co-parenting discussions, as this can create additional conflicts.
- Keep your child out of the conflict: Avoid putting your child in the middle of conflicts with your co-parent. This can create feelings of guilt or anxiety for your child.
- Focus on the big picture: Try to focus on the long-term goals for your child’s well-being, rather than getting caught up in short-term conflicts with your co-parent.
- Take care of yourself: Co-parenting with an abuser can be emotionally draining. Make sure to take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, exercise, and self-care.